‘Unseen’ Super Bowl becomes Family affair

by Reginald Rogers
Paraglide

I heard it was a great game. I heard that it was full of action, drama and suspense. I even read that it was the most viewed television event of all time, but unlike most Americans, I never saw Super Bowl XLIV.

So when New Orleans Saints cornerback Tracy Porter picked off a Peyton Manning pass and returned it 74 yards to seal his team’s 31-17 Super Bowl victory, I got my first glimpse at about 2 a.m., via ESPN’s Sportscenter. But ... I knew the Saints had won long before that time because Mabel “Madea” Simmons said so.

You see, this year’s Super Bowl was played Feb. 7, which just happens to be the same day that my wife was born. So, in being the good husband that I strive to be, I decided to take my wife to a play and forego my annual tradition of watching the Super Bowl with Family and friends.
So on Sunday, I drove to my wife’s home in Charlotte, bought her a nice outfit and we both headed to Charlotte’s Bojangles Coliseum to see Tyler Perry’s “Madea’s Big Happy Family.”

Everything was going good at this point and she seemed pretty happy.

That is until we arrived at the show.

Since it was my wife’s birthday, I decided to spend a little extra and purchase seats that I was sure would place us near the stage, but when we got our refreshments and approached the area where our seats were, we noticed that they were occupied by some rather large women. While this should not have been a problem, it quickly became a problem when they gave a rude response to my wife when she showed them tickets that proved we had rights to the seats.
I immediately looked for another solution after noticing that the seats were not that great because it was on the right side of the stage and partially blocked by the huge stage curtain. I found a row of seats that were further away, but had a better view and I motioned for my wife to join me.

At first she did, but during the 15-minute intermission, she decided that our original seats were better and she wanted them. So we headed back to section 124 to claim what was rightfully ours. It was at that point that my wife, being the strong-minded woman that she is, said the four words that I feared would come out of her mouth, “let me handle this.”

She grabbed the tickets from me and approached the six women who had traveled as a pack to the show and proclaimed, “excuse me, we have tickets for these seats.”

Now ladies and gentlemen, believe me I have somewhat of a temper, but it takes a lot to get me started. I am quick to look for a peaceful solution to any problem. But, … keep in mind, once you light my fuse. Then it’s Katy bar the door and all friendly wagers are off. The bottom line: I will go off! But in this situation, this was neither the time, or place. Besides, these 6’3, 257-pound creatures were still women and I consider myself a gentleman. So I came up with another solution, especially after my wife returned with tickets in hand, while the hippos still occupied our seats.Another audience member had expressed her displeasure with box office personnel and she suggested that we do the same.

Alas, a solution that may keep me out of jail and allow me to avoid channeling my anger at these seat-stealing rhinos. You’ll understand why I’m being descriptive later.

I immediately went to the box office and was told that there was an usher in our section who had extra tickets to give to anyone who was not pleased with their seats. So I left in search of this mystery usher, only to find my wife with a disappointed look on her face and the second part of the show, already in progress.

Then, seconds after I told my wife about the mystery usher, a young lady walked up and handed me two tickets to what she described as better seats. I convinced my lovely spouse that we should try to find these “better” seats and leave this area open in case the Anguses wanted to graze. We left and were lead to two seats that were nearly center stage. Just seeing the smile on her face made me happy. But, it was short-lived as she explained the reason for her earlier look of disappointment. She said she had kindly explained to one of the women that we had tickets for our assigned seats and the lady’s response was, “go find some more.” That comment alone lit my fuse.

I immediately became heated and was tempted to go back to our original area and demand our seats from the wildebeests at all cost. Have you ever seen a lion attack its prey? It’s not pretty.
But my wife assured me that she was happy and the seats we now had were much better than the others. So as we were moving into our row, which was already full because, again, someone was in the wrong seats, I heard some comments that were directed toward my wife and me. “I ain’t moving no more,” said a young man with a ghetto-girl dialect, as he looked at me. The lady next to whom he was sat assured him that they were in the wrong seats and he was obligated to move, but he continued, “I don’t care. I ain’t moving no more.” So finally, I had had enough. I told him, “you can get up and move over or the paramedics can move your (insert word here) to the hospital, you make the call.” He kindly obliged with no more words and we enjoyed the show.
So back to the Super Bowl that was also taking place. I had no idea who was winning late in the fourth quarter, until we received an update from an unlikely source. Entertainment mogul Tyler Perry in his Madea character told two other characters, “if you don’t shut up, I’ma beat you like the Indianapolis Colts are beating the New Orleans Saints.” The audience erupted in applause.
Then for the final Super Bowl update, as the characters did a curtain call, Perry, the show’s producer and star was last to appear and he addressed the audience and said, “Wow, I don’t know if y’all are applauding for us or because the New Orleans Saints just won the Super Bowl.” The Bojangles Coliseum exploded in applause.

It was perfect for Perry, who is a New Orleans native because at that time, on that night at Charlotte’s Bojangles Coliseum, we were all one big happy Family.