My wife and I recently lost our daughter to suicide. This has absolutely rocked our faith in God, in ourselves as parents, and our marriage. We are feeling so guilty that we weren’t able to prevent this tragedy.

Our relationship has suffered because we just can’t seem to talk about our feelings with each other. She isolates herself from the rest of the Family (we have a 15-year-old son) and I’m feeling so empty, I lash out at her sometimes. We don’t know where to turn and we don’t want our marriage to end because of this. My wife did admit to feeling guilty because she was a Soldier and so was my daughter. She feels like she could have prevented this or at least have seen some of the signs. I’ve heard of a lot of Soldiers killing themselves and I just want to know what the Army is doing about it.

Sincerely,
Destroyed by Suicide

Dear Destroyed,
I want to first extend to you and your Family my condolences on the loss of your daughter. There is nothing more devastating than the loss of a child — no matter their age. I have often heard the questions from Families asking themselves if they could have done more and dissecting every conversation they had with the lost loved one to see if there was something missed. And then there is the enormous guilt that is often felt by those left behind.

You and your wife will grieve differently, as the two of you shared a unique relationship with your daughter. Your 15-year-old son is also coping with the grief in his own way as well. He will definitely need to be integrated into the Family’s process of healing.

I strongly encourage you and your wife to reach out to your clergyman within your religious community or chaplain services at Womack Army Medical Center to help you cope with this experience from a religious and spiritual standpoint. Also, Fort Bragg’s Army Community Services facilitates a monthly support group for Family members who lost loved ones to suicide or illness as well. You can explore more information on this group at www.fortbraggmwr.com/acs/sos.php.
The Department of the Army has forcefully addressed suicide prevention by having department-wide training for all military personnel and Department of Defense civilian employees. They are trying to reduce the stigma associated with servicemembers getting treatment they need for depression and other psychological issues, as well as those without these issues who may be having difficulty coping with military life and environmental stressors.

The Department of Defense is also working collaboratively with the Department of Veterans Affairs to ensure that “wrap-around” suicide prevention services and support are available while someone is on active duty and when they are separated. Servicemembers can also call the Suicide Prevention Hotline, (800) 273-8255, for crisis intervention 24 hours/seven days per week. For more in-depth information on the Army’s efforts, check out:

www.behavioralhealth.army.mil/sprevention/index.html

Again, I am very sorry for your loss and hope that your Family can begin to heal from this enormous tragedy. Should the Family wish to explore Family therapy, please contact the Department of Social Work on the 3rd Floor at Womack at 907-7869 for an assessment.

(Editor’s note: Indira Harris is a deployment care manager/licensed clinical social worker with the Dept. of Social Work (Joel Health Clinic) and is a graduate of Florida State University. She has extensive experience with suicide awareness, prevention, and intervention as well as combat-related emotional/psychological issues.)